so i just had a recent fallout with my ex, timothée. timothée as in timothée chalamet. have you heard of him ? mostly everyone has.

i know what you’re thinking, how could a big-time hollywood movie star have a relationship with such an average girl ? well i’m here to break it down for you.

legal disclaimer (?) this is obviously not true. i’m just a girl who’s really committed to the bit.

me and timmy met in Cannes during a film festival after party. i was wearing rare, vintage Vivienne Westwood that complimented my brown eyes. my hair was curled for the red carpet but on the boat (did i mention we are in Cannes ? specifically for the film festival after party) i threw my hair up in a messy bun with the hair tie on my wrist for emergencies. i was the most average girl there. however, i didn’t realize that i stood out amongst the crowd to some people. i think my aura just had that effect. 

i was at the bar alone, reading War and Peace and drinking a cosmopolitan. i had to take out my miu miu frames in order to make out the words under the dim backyard lights. the swaying of the boat didn’t help with my concentration. i just wanted to lay in bed and eat pizza with wine and binge-watch all of the Saw movies in order.

“excuse me,” i heard behind me. this voice sounded familiar. the words spoken kinda dragged into each other under the sound of a charming voice.

i felt a hand touch my shoulder for a second. 

“um, i’m wearing rare, vintage, Vivienne Westwood. what makes you think you can touch my dr-“ i said enraged as i turn around in frustration. then, i was met with a kind-eyed and curly haired boy. 

“je suis désolé.” he responds in french.

“i’m sorry, i just wanted to ask you what perfume you’re wearing. i smell it across the boat and i just had to ask.” he added.

he was wearing a reflecting silver suit that almost looked like tin-foil. underneath his suit jacket was a white button down.

“thanks, it’s japanese cherry blossom from bath and body works.” i responded.

“bath and body works … is that designer ?” he asked.

“oh,” i thought “he’s too rich to know what b&bw is.”

i proceeded to lie.

“yes.” i said.

“hm.” he had a sort of thinking face while he moved his mouth to one side.

“okay, i’m going to be honest. while i smelt you across the boat and realized it was you, i saw what you looked liked and just had to come over here and talk to you.”

i turned around wondering if margot robbie was behind me or something. she wasn’t.

i blushed, not knowing what to say. i decided to play it cool.

“what’s your name ?” i asked.

“timothée … chalamet.” he put out his hand for me to shake as his twinkling brown eyes stared into mine.

“i’m ziggy … like iggy azalea but with a z.” i grabbed his hand and shook it.

his hand was so certain, much bigger than mine. his nails were well manicured and his metal rings were cold. i had just put on a clear coat of sally hansen nail polish as i rushed out the door that morning, but somehow i managed to smudge the paint on every nail. i was hoping my hand would be somewhat presentable. i never knew it’s fate was here, shaking timothée’s hand. 

“i like that.” he smirked. “short for something ?”

“no.”

“oh like ziggy stardust… estrellas, beautiful and bright like you.”

no one had ever said that to me before. he was so clever.

“spanish and french ?” i added.

“what can i say, i’m a man of many hats.” 

what felt like a few minutes turned into a few hours at the bar. prepaid champagne glasses were automatically refilling. me and timothée discussed art, culture, politics, books, movies, whether the dress was white and gold or blue and black, old childhood friends, if we heard yanny or laurel, and where would we be if we hadn’t made certain decisions.

it was a conversation that i’ll never forget. it was so genuine and uncensored. i felt like i really got to know him and him i.

the boat went from 200 glamorous people to about 20. the music was slow and the night sky was dim.

“do you want to get out of here ?” he asked

famous last words.

“sure, but don’t try anything.” i responded firmly. 

i held my nike air force 1s in my hand because i wore them so much that the fabric of the back of the heel wore off and the wiring would stab my ankle. i stepped on the french cobblestone with my peanut butter and jelly socks. 

as we were walking through the empty streets, he gently grabbed my hand as if it was supposed to be there all along. 

we continued our conversation and…

i’m not one to kiss and tell let’s just say that. 

fast forward to a few months later. we were exclusive. casual trips to get coffee turned into front cover material for gossip sites. i couldn’t go anywhere without a camera being pointed at me. at first it bothered me, i’m just a normal and average girl. the only thing interesting about me was my boyfriend. it felt like i wasn’t even my own person. after some time i got used to it. 

we were together for almost two magical years. it didn’t feel like it. everything went by so fast and we were really in love. he took me to the met gala at one point. i wore Chanel since they were sponsoring me. he would hold my hand during the red carpet. it almost didn’t feel real. until november 11th, 2023 — when he hosted SNL for the second time. 

i was on the floor of the second row aisle seat watching him. 

you know what, i don’t even want to talk about it because it upsets me so much.

he said something offensive that i didn’t agree with. sure, it was a “joke” the writers made but he agreed to say it which is much worse. it wasn’t funny. 

when we were about to go to the after party, i broke up with him before we went in the car. i didn’t even want to bother being in the same vehicle as him.

he called and texted me all night from the after party. he would say stuff like: “i can’t even enjoy my time here bc i just keep thinking about you.” or “please, i’m so sorry take me back i thought we were perfect together. i was gonna propose tomorrow.” i ignored him. twitter was tearing him apart. i was so heartbroken and embarrassed. i decided to announce on my instagram story that i broke up with him. all of my close friends and family were so shocked because they knew how happy we were. 

i was single for a second, until i met jakey (jacob elordi). you might know him from euphoria. although it bothers me so much because everyone always recognizes him as the mean, manipulative guy from a tv show but not as my kind and gentle boyfriend. it’s whatever. i’m much happier now. i heard timothée is with kylie jenner now. i mean good for her i guess ? it just shows her true colors in regards to what she will and won’t support. jacob would never embarrass me on live television like timothée did. sure, the girls are all over him, but he stays true and loyal to me which is all that i could ask for.

i’ll c u next week <3 
ziggy

-Sent from my IPhone